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š® The Yogurt Laureate
And Adidasā Samba suuuurge
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This is Jack. This is Nick. And we all have a September 11th story. But this is one weād never heard about before: The Great 9/11 Boat Lift. On the day of the attacks, 500K people were evacuated by ferries, yachts, and tugboats from New York Harborāthe largest maritime rescue in history (topping even Dunkirk from WWII). Another story weāll never forget.
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1) Adidasā Yeezy Replacement: The OG Samba
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Adidas has 99 problemsā¦and Kanye West is all 99 of them. Adidasā discontinuation of Kanyeās Yeezy line left a half-billion-dollar hole in the companyās 2023 earnings. Instead of replacing Kanye with another famous wild card design partner, Adidas is replacing him with āThe Samba,ā the iconic shoe invented for soccer players in 1950 thatās hitting its prime at 73 years old. The critics are calling it ā
A$AP Rocky, Olivia Wilde, and every ātotally relatableā celebrity have been snapped by paparazzi this summer in Sambas. Thatās why Google searches for āSambaā just hit an ATH and #Samba has been viewed 4B times on TikTok. The new Adidas CEO wants Samba to be the next big Adidas franchise, so he launched a Samba-only store in Shanghai and a Samba cafe at Paris Fashion Week.
The Takeaway ā
Great companies let their brands outshine them. Top-selling sneakers become their own brandsāthink Air Force Ones, Chuck Taylors, and Stan Smiths. Adidas is hoping Samba can do the same. While some companies might get insecure about a single brand outshining them, great companies donāt. They actually *hope* that their best products move out of the house and learn to do their own laundry flourish on their own.
2) A Chobani Writing Job Pays up to $300K
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And we donāt think itās crazy. Greek yogurt pioneer Chobani sells $2B in yogurt, creamers, and oat milk a year. It hopes to ride its 20% share of the US yogurt market to an IPO soon.
But all the attention is on their recent job listing: āExecutive Writer.ā Basically, a ghost-writer for legendary Chobani CEO Hamdi Ulukaya. Digging into the JD:
āļø āResponsible for capturing our CEOās voice and assisting in strategic communications.ā
Translation: Write speeches, letters, and Slack messages that Chobaniās CEO will publish as his own.
The job description wasnāt a surpriseā¦but the salary was: Up to $278K annual pay (plus bonus). Sounds like the Poet Laureate of dairy. The position has now been filled, but the drama hasnāt let up. Most Xāers (tweeters?) thought $300K for writing about yogurt was ridiculous. But we donāt, becauseā¦
The Takeaway ā
Every CEO is really the CCO. What executives say publicly (and privately) has never been more scrutinized. Thatās why a CEOās top role these days is actually Chief Communications Officer. They must inspire investors, customers, and employees with their words (not just their profits, like in the past). So a full-time, top-notch writer to support the CEO in doing just that? Worth every penny.
3) A Top-Performing Stock of 2023? Itāsā¦Drumroll...Carvana
The company that invented the car vending machine (real thing) has experienced 3 extremes in 3 years: The stock surged 1,000%...then fell 99%...and then surged 1,000% again this summer.
Carvana has become the Amazon of autosāan online used car marketplace. It makes an offer on your used Honda then sells it online. Hereās how it got to be a top-performing stock of 2023:
šš+1,000% (2020): Mid-Pandemic, we start buying cars via the internet instead of in-person dealerships.
šš-99% (2021-2023): Post-Pandemic, Americans go back to their usual habits, including dealerships. Carvanaās revenues shrink as investors realize it overexpanded with $7B in debt.
šš+1,000% (since May): Something strange happened to all that Carvana debtā¦
Forgiveness. This summer, Wall Street money managers excused $1.3B in Carvana debt and delayed the due date of another $2B in Carvana debt by two years. Carvanaās lenders basically said āpay us when you canā and helped it avoid bankruptcy (sending the stock up 40% that day). But when did ruthless Wall Street lenders become Mr. Rogers?
The Takeaway ā
Guac is always extra. Some people say āthereās no such thing as a free lunch.ā We say āguac is always extra.ā It means nothing is truly freeāyouāre paying for it somehow. Hereās the asterisk on Carvanaās debt forgiveness: Lenders doubled the interest rate on the remaining debt to up to 14% and took all of Carvanaās Hondas as collateral. Thereās always a catch. Guac is always extra.
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Spoiler: A lot is going down on Tuesday.
š Elon Muskās highly anticipated biography by Walter Isaacson (who also wrote bios of Einstein, Da Vinci, and Steve Jobs) drops tomorrow.
āļø Googleās historic antitrust trial kicks off Tuesday. Itās the biggest monopoly-busting case since Bill Gatesā Microsoft in the ā90s.
š± Appleās expected to unveil its iPhone 15 at a major annual product event, also tomorrow.
š Instacart hopes to hit a $10B valuation with its IPO next month. Context: It was valued at $39B in March 2022 (techās been hit hard, but itās bouncing back).
š¤³ Venice (the one in Italy) has a new plan to deal with over-tourism: fees. All visitors will have to pay a $6 entry fee.
š¾ Coco Gauff won her first Grand Slam Title at 19 years oldāand then she shared the whole experience from the court on TikTok.
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America has a shortage of laxatives. Miralax & Glycolax are outta stock. Hybrid work and revenge travel have us all...irregular. Meanwhile #GutHealth on TikTok has Gen Z hooked. To quote TarÅ Gomi, Everyone Poops.
And one more thing. Guac is always extra. That is all. IYKYK.
āNick & Jack
FYI, the writers of this newsletter own stock in Apple.
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