This is Nick. This is Jack. Einz, zwei, drei, trinken (keep reading for the translation). Tomorrow is day 1 of the biggest beer holiday on Earth—Oktoberfest. While Munich downs 1.98M gallons of brewskis and 60k brats, remember to check your back-left pocket. Last year, 520 iPhones, 600 wallets, and 1,300 passports went MIA at the Bavarian brauhauses. Phone, wallet, passport…

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1) Uber’s Secretive Next Big Thing: Chores

Caught. A developer just discovered a snippet of code in the Uber app that unveils the company’s hidden next product: Uber Chores.

What the JavaScript is saying: We’re light on details, but it seems Uber is building a TaskRabbit competitor within its app, according to Bloomberg.

• Think: Instead of putting off cleaning the gutters (again), you phone a friend on the Uber app 🍂

• Or call Uber to install that TV or paint your front porch 🔧

• Or to babysit little Sally or walk the puppy 🐶

Uber declined to comment on the potential new feature, but this comes at a good time: Uber, which scored its first-ever operating profit last quarter, is on the hunt for new growth sources—it also just reported its slowest quarter for growth in 2.5 years.

The Takeaway →

It’s time for tech to respect its elders. The tech industry is obsessed with young people under 30, but the bigger biz opportunity for this product is people over 60. Uber should own it. Because the larger market for Uber Chores isn’t Gen Z, it’s Boomers—shovel the driveway and pick up the Thightaztrizol prescription.

2) MGM Casinos Got Hacked…Is This Oceans 14?

Major casino operator MGM Resorts was shut down across the board this week—reservation systems, booking systems, hotel key systems, and even the casino floors—after falling victim to a “cybersecurity issue” Monday. Translation: MGM got hacked.

Is this Oceans 14? Because it’s hitting the casinos hard. Last week, Caesars also reportedly got hacked and paid $15M to regain control. How these ransomware blitzes went down:

• ➡ Cyber villain pretends to be an employee, calls the IT help desk, and schmoozes way to username and password

• ➡ Hacker holds computer systems hostage

• ➡ ️Hacking group demands cash…and sometimes gets it

FYI: Clooney has an alibi.

The Takeaway →

“The Liam Neeson Doctrine.” To end cybercrime, we need to ban ransom payments. Like a G&T after a bad hand, ransom payments are only temporary solutions. Caesars (and other victims) paying hackers encourages future cybercrime—so it’s time the government steps in by criminalizing ransom payments. Companies that pull a Liam Neeson (refusing to pay ransom) shrink the hackers’ target on their back.

3) The US Auto Industry Puts its Foot Down—for $500M/Day

About 150K members of the United Auto Workers officially went on strike today against Detroit’s Big Three carmakers: General Motors, Ford, and Stellantis (which owns Chrysler, Jeep, and Ram). The auto industry? On the verge of a stall-out.

Unprecedented: This is the first time the union has gone on strike against all of the Big Three at the same time. A 10-day strike could cost the economy $5B, with a B. And in a month, the strike could even weigh down US GDP—tougher than parallel parking.

Here’s what the car-workers want for building that piston:

• A 40% wage increase over four years

• Guaranteed monthly retirement payouts for life (aka pension)

• And a low-mileage 32-hour work week

The Takeaway →

There’s an elephant in the negotiating room—Tesla. Workers at Tesla, which already makes the electric cars that the Big Three are spending all their money trying to make, aren’t unionized. They’re paid 30% less on average than UAW workers. That’s the awkward part about the union’s request—Detroit workers want more when Tesla workers are already getting less.

👢 Barbie toy sales are up 25% since Barbie came out. It was a Ken-vestment.

⚖️ Hunter Biden has been indicted for alleged lying about drug use in a federal firearm form and possessing a gun while using narcotics.

🚓 FTX fraudster Sam Bankman-Fried apparently wrote 250 pages defending his actions—and planned to tweet it all in 1 loooong thread.

🏃 DoorDash is literally dashing: It’s switching stock exchanges from the NYSE to Nasdaq.

🧑‍🎤🧑‍🎤 The largest newspaper in America (USA Today) is hiring two reporters to exclusively follow Beyoncé and Taylor Swift.

😢 The US child poverty rate nearly doubled in 2022 to 12% as pandemic-era child tax credits ended.

🌶️ Momofuku hit $100M in revenue, half of which comes from restaurants and half non-restaurant ventures #BoSsam.

☕️ Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz stepped down from the board mid-PSL season. An Alibaba exec is taking his seat.

✈️ Delta’s new loyalty program change is, um, frustrating: Limited lounge access and you need to spend more (not fly more) to get status.

🍻 Unhappy Hour: Britain’s largest pub chain is adding surge pricing…to beer.

On the pod today: 💪 SoftBank chipmaker Arm just had the biggest IPO on Wall Street in the last 2 years…because Arm’s computer chips are the coolest chips around. Literally.

And one more thing. Send us (mostly Jack) some German phrases. Nick will just give a 👍.

—Nick & Jack