This is Nick. This is Jack. And LOL usage is drying up. Millennials are LOLing, but Gen Z prefers IJBOL i.e I Just Burst Out Laughing. Rolls off the tongue. Korean teens created the abbreviation and now Americans are picking up the new lingo. Whatever you do, don’t laugh gradually — burst into it.

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1) Ding Dong the Crypto King is #Guilty

FTX founder, Sam Bankman-Fried was found guilty of all 7 charges of fraud and conspiracy last week. It's one of the biggest financial frauds on record. 

• Just 5 hours: That’s how long it took for a jury to reach a verdict on SBF. The 31-year-old crypto king betrayed customer trust by losing $8B worth of their $. In March a judge will decide his prison sentence, which could be up to 115 years. 

In more relatable terms: What SBF did is like if a local bank manager secretly withdrew $ from customers’ bank accounts and used it to…

• 📛 Make political donations and invest in risky crypto startups

• 📛 Buy houses in the Bahamas for his family and friends 

• 📛 And pay Tom Brady $55M for 20 hours of work (and $10M to Larry David for a TV commercial)

When crypto started crashing, his crimes became clear. Customers wanted to pull their money out but it was all blown by SBF on the Miami Heat sponsorship, bets he made on the side, and the Bahamas. Crypto is pretty much unregulated — And without FDIC insurance (which most basic savings accounts have), customers had no way to get their $ back. 

The Takeaway →

Founder fashion has become a red flag. SBF’s brand was built around his outfit: t-shirt, cargo shorts, and unruly hair. But his look wasn’t just goofy, it was an intentional signal by the crypto founder. Hear us out →

• 💡 Einstein's hair symbolized genius

• 💡 Steve Jobs’ jeans and black turtleneck represented a visionary

• 💡 and Zuckerberg’s hoodies gave disruptor vibes

But in recent years, the un-trust-worthy tech founders have tried to gain trust with their wardrobe: Elizabeth Holmes dressed like Steve Jobs, Adam Neumann dressed like Jesus, and SBF dressed like he didn’t care… We’ve fallen into a pattern of idolizing innovators. And now we realize those innovators were wearing a costume. 🚨🚨🚨

2) Clorox Was Missing Last Quarter 

Did you notice this summer your supermarket was low on bleach? That’s because 3 months ago, Clorox was hit with a cyberattack and it’s still recovering….

• We just got the numbers: Clorox sales fell 31% from the quarter before to an 8-year low. Management detailed that the hack took 275 employees out of work, shut down factories, and they’re “not yet back to normal”. 

The villain: It’s not confirmed but fingers are pointing to the hacker group Scattered Spider, the same masterminds who shut down MGM casino floors in Las Vegas. So Clorox needs a hero… 

But get this: Clorox basically has a monopoly on your home. In your cabinet, you’ll find a slew of Clorox-owned products… and each one is the #1 leader in its category:

• 🫧 Bleach — Clorox has a 68% market share

• 🫧 Toilet cleaner — 41% market share

• 🫧 Garbage bags  —  nearly 40% (aren’t ‘ya Glad 😉)

• 🤯 And did you know? Clorox even owns Hidden Valley Ranch (yes, the salad dressing). 

• So during the shortage this summer customers were forced to try out #2 brands.

The Takeaway →

Cyberattacks have become the natural disasters of business. The consequences of a cyberattack used to be digital, but now they’re physical. You think of Cyberattacks as affecting data and computers — Now cyberattacks can shut down hotels, factories, and cause physical shortages.

Like natural disasters, the victims seem random. But cyberattacks are acts of man rather than nature. So we’re not powerless to stop a hacking, like we are in stopping a hurricane. Companies are focusing on cybersecurity to protect themselves, but they need help from public policy too to stop the hackings.

On the Pod

☕️ The Pumpkin Spice Latte is 20 years old — And Starbucks just told us that PSL powered record sales this fall. To hear why the flavor almost never even happened, listen to today’s pod. 

Here’s what else you need to know today —

☝️ October Jobs Report: 150K jobs were added last month, and the Unemployment Rate ticked up to 3.9%. Both are good news, because the Fed wants the economy to slow down to ease inflation. 

🚀 Jeff Bezos is leaving Seattle, the home of Amazon, and moving to Miami. He wants to be near BlueOrigin rockets (his space exploration company) and, apparently, sand. 

🤖 A “cartel,”  of 14 landlords, in DC is being sued for colluding on rent prices using software (remember our story on “AI Landlords” in a previous newsletter? This is exactly that). 

🧑‍💻 WeWork plans to file for bankruptcy as early as this week. Shares are down 96% this year. It’s not working.

💰 Warren Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway reported a 40% jump in operating earnings from all its holdings of railroads, insurance, and Apple stock (and yes, he still owns See’s Candies)

✨ Elon unveiled “Grok”, his AI Chatbot to rival ChatGPT. It’s apparently quite Elonian, with “a rebellious streak” and willingness to answer “spicy questions” other chatbots won’t.

🤳 HBO’s CEO used a fake Twitter account (where he was a Texas Vegan) to troll TV critics. 

🧝 Will Ferrel’s Elf is passing the sea of twirly-swirly gumdrops and returning to theaters this winter after 20 years — because nostalgia runs in 20-year cycles.

And one more thing. What acronym best describes how you break into laughter? We’re still getting the hang of IJBOL.

—Nick & Jack